And so it begins....

It's almost the end of the year and so begins the mental ping pong match of many educators. Should I stay? Should I go? Stay where? In my district, in my school, in this city? Go?? Where? AWAY!!!!! I have been through this over a number of years. Do I have a perfect strategy? No!! However, I can offer a few suggestions for making moves that are not mastered by emotions of desperation, disgust or despair.

So.... you have a big decision... you need to be objective and actually weigh the pros and cons... DO NOT do this while paper balls are whizzing past your head or while you are correcting the SAME problem for the 100th time (which by the way was a bellringer, homework question and example you wrote on the board!!)

This is just one of several suggestions for decision-making out there, so use this one or find your own!

Let's use the word FOCUS. By definition, focus means "a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding; directed attention or emphasis" (from Merriam-Webster online). When attempting to determine one's career path, longevity, etc, it is necessary to have clarity in perception and the least number of distractions as possible. Try using the word FOCUS as a guide. Here's how:

F-O-C-U-S

1. Free yourself from guilt about going through this process. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with considering change, embracing change or even facilitating change. Sometimes it is not that we are burned out, but rather we have OUTGROWN a particular place, space or person. Attempting to stay is a place where you no longer fit, will only reap regret, irritation, and contempt.
2. Own your process! Do not compare yourself or your journey to anyone else's!! So what your mom spent 40 years teaching in the same place. (My Mother actually did!) A 40-year stint in a place where I am unhappy, not growing (professionally or personally) and being unfulfilled is not medal worthy, rather it is a self-imposed prison! You must be okay with your process and its uniqueness.
3. Create opportunities to network! Am I suggesting that you throw a speed dating for teachers or geeks or techies party? No.... I am suggesting giving friends and family who have a variety of professions permission to invite you to work functions, social events, and other occasions that will allow you to meet and interact with persons from different sectors. There is no harm in getting information!
4. Uncomplicate the decision! This step could seem like it is diminishing the importance of what you do or how much you invest in your students and school. But the opposite it true! In reality, leaving a school, a district or the profession cannot dim the light of wisdom and education you have imparted. The fact is, transitioning may be the needed change, challenge and chance needed for you, the school, and all those involved. Sometimes we become too comfortable to take risks, to be innovative or to let our creativity flow. If something is not flowing, it is stagnant. Stagnation brings staleness and clutter. Let it flow!!
5. STOP and celebrate where you are and all you have accomplished!! You have impacted people. You have evolved. You have taken courageous steps along this journey called LIFE!!! Give yourself a hand!! NEVER diminish your personal, professional and sometimes times very private accomplishments. Doing so, creates a space void of grace, acceptance, and recognition of progress.

No matter where you are in your career, personal or spiritual path, evaluation, modification, and progression are important. Hopefully, using this FOCUS tool can bring some clarity, freedom, and peace to make a change in place or inside. 

Where I am and where I want to be, will they ever meet?

Sometimes I’m amazed at the sheer number of misconceptions people have of me. On one hand many woman relish the thought of being in my italian leather, slings with the peeptoe. Why? I’m single, multi-talented, cute, articulate, highly intelligent, comedic with no children, my own home, car, career and no children!! Did I mention single??!! Okay.. well, the dichotomy of this vivid description of my life, though lauded by many of my sisters, seems like kyptonite to the homo sapiens with the Y chromosome!!

I’ve been through the “oh, I don’t have anything to offer you” and “you just seem to have everything”.. oh, and how can I forget, “I could never live up to your expectations”… okay.. let’s see… All I wanted you to offer me was unconditional love and acceptance (and an occasional massage, flowers, oil change…)… and yes, I may seem to have everything.. except a dedicated brother willing to….. (refer to the first part of this continuous run-on sentence)… and finally, my expectations were only that we both evolve into our best selves as we grow together and individually, simultaneously.

Don’t get me wrong, I can understand how a brother could find a sister like me a bit…. ahhhh… “interesting” to date, enter a relationship with and all that.. but, I’m not a kid anymore.. I’m not interested in the surface “call me boo” and “that’s may man”… I want that level of intimacy that transcends touching, the security that envelopes me at the mention of his name, I want that encouragement that wills me to do, be and have more.. because he is in my life and there to share it… that’s what I want.. I can take myself shopping (although, spending someone else’s money is soooooo much better!! LOL), I can and have purchased more than my share of handbags, shoes and clothing (don’t let that detour you from giving more though.. I’m just saying)… I take myself to finest restaurants and go all out… I’m not saying I don’t want to share all of this with him…I am saying that these are NOT the reasons I would enter into an relationship or dating situation…

You have to be thinking, what does the title of this blog have to do w/ everything this chick wrote.. WELL…..where I am is called a crossroad, a point of decision, a halting between two opinions.. if you will (hehehe.. I always wanted to say that).. anyway…I am longing for more zest and adventure. I am at a place where I am enjoying my freedom and ability to stay away from my condo for days and not worry about feeding, watering or changing anything!!! What I want to be (I think) is at my best friend’s couples’ dinners and at the marriage retreat for my church and listening to my mom tell my husband about all my quirks and how she’s praying for him daily for having to live with me!!

The meeting place is where I’m no longer torn about relinquishing this part of myself I have tucked away and reserved for me ONLY!!! This meeting place is one of ultimate vulnerability with someone I have given the power to hurt me because I willingly opened my heart and space to them.. Sounds like a place I’ve been in before?? Not quite.. I’ve circled around it a time or two..Only to find that my companion was not well equipped.. to be honest..let’s say was totally unequipped for the journey… Okay, okay.. I wasn’t prepared either… This time, I think I am… we’ll see!!

signed,

Reluctantly unpacking for my trip to “the meeting place”

Common Sense

I recently changed jobs... well, I should say, I've changed locations because I'm doing the same job.. Trying to get my "clients" to the point where I can actually do my job... Sometimes I wonder why it's so difficult to get folx to exercise "common daggone sense".. One of my friends recently pointed out the common sense, isn't very common at all. I was like .. "Hmmm".. so I started thinking about that... I wonder what kind of results I would get if I polled 100 intellectuals, 100 children and 100 "regular" people and asked each group to define common sense and give 3 examples.... ahhh.. the diversity and extremes I would see... (I just may do that).. I wonder if someone would fund a study on common sense, "the etymology and evolution of common sense: you know what I'm sayin'" LOL...

This blog actually started out as a reflection on the whole Kanye, Serena (and other celebrities w/whom I have very little besides ethnic origin in common with, but are yet the ones I'm supposed to be defend or denigrate depending on the situation, oh, or I should be embarrassed).. however, it turned into the life, legacy and NEED for common sense!!.. LOL..

What's so common about common sense?? Is it that commonly ignore it or don't have it?? Can you learn common sense or is it innate? I have questions.. I need some answers....

More on this later...

The Unfortunate Case of NO TALENT!!

So, I'm known to be a little critical.. however, I went into this 3 hours of TV time with a hopeful heart and eager ears to indulge in the musical buffet that BET would provide for me... AND I should have been studying.. but with the hype of this big Michael Jackson tribute theme, I couldn't resist.. Let's just say... I should have!!!

Now, I'm not spring chicken, but I'm also not a lame, wrinkled duck!! So, I expected some ghetto fabulousness.. but OH BOY... I didn't expect horrific sight and sounds to come through my TV (yeah DTV.. NOT!!).. my retinas were sending warning signals to my brain.. SOS, SOS.... please look away.. while my eardrums were fighting a losing battle and finally relented in the fight to keep the off-key, yelping and cussing from dismantling them!! Okay.. so that's a little dramatic.. but I felt that way...

Perhaps it was the hype.. or maybe my love for music.. WHATEVER it was.. I was thoroughly embarrassed as a (sometime) BET viewer, highly offended as a vocalist and extremely curious as to how some of these people became stars...

I mean.. seriously.. has the music industry fallen that far from the days of artists sounding at least as good live as they do in the studio...entertainers studying their craft and leaving you breathless from their performances and not from laughing at the tomfoolery.... the record companies took pride in their products and talent, as they represented their name....So sad...

and.............

Seems like today, all you need is the ability to perpetuate drama.. and you can get a reality show and/or talk show.. Oh my goodness... BET's new line up is filled with weaves, gum, interesting accents and some "puzzling" version of the English language...I don' t if I should pray, cry or laugh.. well.. maybe all three...

The C-WORD!!!

It's amazing how a little dose of the C-word, can cause a strong man to tremble with fear, the bravest woman to consider compromising, the most well-thought out plan to fizzle into a nice thought and business of the year to file chapter 11, 12 and 13... That C-word.. only six letters but each of them powerful enough to turn your life upside down.. That amazing and scary thing about it is.. people generally lie like they can embrace it, they welcome it, or it's no big deal.. Until it comes knocking...or barging in and rearranging dates, positions, lives and dreams!! So, I wonder what happened to the open arms, the welcome mat or the shoulder shrug that says "Oh well"... Oh WELL!!.. They are not there!! That c-word... CHANGE!!! C-H-A-N-G-E... Causing Havoc And Needless Grief Everyday?? Creating Hostile Arrangements Needing Guided Essentials? or Consistent Heavenly Arranged Necessary God Encounters?? Which do we choose?? It's funny how our vantage point allows us to see things from the foot of a mountain that we can't see over or from the arms of our Father where the mountain looks like a laughable dot...

Recently, I was forced to make a significant change in my life.. at first I was like.. okay.. it's cool... but then... I experienced the needless grief, the hostility, the fright.. until I was reminded.. .nothing happens in my life that my Father isn't aware of...He loves me... and He won't let anything harm me!! My CHANGE... was arranged by Him to give me a greater knowledge of Who and What He is... see... humans are creatures of habit.. and until we are forced to do something new and different.. we won't!!... Change causes irritability in the midst of our comfort zones... It forces us to deal with it... or be swallowed by it.. . One thing is for sure..our refusal to embrace or engage in change, won't stop it from happening.. It's better to roll with it, keep it moving and enjoy the ride.. as opposed to being pulled in kicking and screaming.. .and once you've calmed down,... starting behind the 8-ball...

Our bravest and most noble act is allowing change to happen and actively engaging in the process... Though the benefits of change may not be seen immediately, I'm willing to guarantee, in a short time.. hindsight will prove it to be worthwhile and an event that brings.. Clarity, Honesty, Appreciation, Nurturing, Gratitude and Exaltation!!

It's funny....

How the Lord will always use something to remind you of your need for Him!! So many times, I get into to groove of juggling, balancing and just straight maneuvering through life... Job, church, grad school, friendships, probable relationships, home, family... I think oh, I got this.. I can handle that... you know how it is when you first start to ride a bike or drive.. you need training wheels or someone holding to the seat to steady you or that older person in the car telling you how to slowly make a left turn... but then, after awhile you get the hang of it... and long bike rides alone with the wind blowing through your hair (or 'fro or locs, whatever!) is so liberating!!!... or the first time you go to your friends house by yourself... with each press of the gas, you feel your chains are being shatter and you are emerging as a free spirit!!!.. that's until.... the chain breaks or you get a flat tire.. then you realize.. hey.. I need someone... that's kind of like life and how we cannot isolate our daily activities from our need for God and His wisdom and power... See, I know that I have the power to make such bad decisions, that I could instantly turn my life upside down!!.. I mean.. one bad or uninformed or emotional decision could in fact, alter my very existence as I know it.. and not for better... For the past month or so, I have been engaged in a struggle with the Most High over who knows better how to plan and orchestrate my life.. You may be saying "How could she say something like that?" or "Wow, that's bold!"... but in all honesty, if you are reflective (and not in denial), you will have to admit that there have been times when you know you've tried to create an "alternate path"... you have contemplated abandoning the very place, person or thing God has ordained to be in your life, your path and/or presest... It's a power struggle!! Just like me.. you have been or will be in a struggle for total control of your life... Over and over, God has proven Himself to be Omnicient, Omnipotent and Omni-present... thus, He has more knowledge, more control and more power than I could ever hope to have.. so why do I fight it? Why can't I just yield and trust? It's the same test, different type of questions... the last one was multiple choice!!.. This one is essay!! Same topic... Get over yourself!!
I'm learning.. I know because I come to my senses sooner than the time before... I pray that immediate and complete obedience is my first and only response to the next test or trying season.. I know that my response (notice response and not reaction!) determines the length and extent of my test, my hard place, my hard season.. The quicker I respond in faith, the quicker my attitude reflects the trust and faith that's needed to please Him.... as I please Him, He leads me into "wide open spaces".... more on that later....

It's nothing like frigid temps....

Just the little minus sign in preceding a double digit number sends shivers down my spine... It can't possibly be this cold and folx are still out and walking and catching the bus and acting a clown!!! One thing I can say for certain is that I WILL have winter home somewhere tropical... very, very soon... It's not all bad though... this morning, my autostart wouldn't start AUTOMATICALLY!!! I was almost hit by impatient, preoccupied and sleep or drunk (I don't know which one) drivers this morning!! But I didn't.. I made it to work.. had the energy to climb over the bunker-like snow mound at work... I even warmed up to the many little, big people who braved the elements to come and annoy me.. LOL.. no.. they are serious about being educated... ** anyway... these temps have shown me that I'm so abundantly blessed.. that having to start my car and WAIT for it to warm up is a very minute thing, or that I couldn't find a matching hat, gloves and scarf set... or that I got a little snow in my shoe... Those little things can't compare to the plight of some brothers and sisters who have no mode of transportation, or a place to live.. let alone a choice of winter gear...I am so blessed... too blessed to sweat the small stuff... more on that later....